Judge not, lest ye be judged (Part II)
A personal, family story about the challenges of Developmental Disability, Part II
Part II — By all reports, Paul McBride’s delivery was very difficult. His father never talked much this about ever since, so heartbroken to lose his first wife Genevieve Gardner McBride in childbirth and the mother of six other children. When the doctors spoke to John McBride, Paul’s father, they told him his wife did not survive but the son had. However, he had some deformities. His head was misshapen from the difficult birth, and he had a cleft palate. Knowing what the father faced, they told him the infant could be placed in a state home.
This decision to readily give up his infant son may seem cold-hearted, but as his oldest son Ray would later explain: “The inclination is to criticize my father for his attitude. But it must be realized this in those days, such a disfigured child was a stigma. Also my father was devastated by the death of his wife. Perhaps he associated Paul with it. I am sure he did. ‘Judge not, lest ye be judged’. ”
It would fall upon my father, Ray McBride, then almost 12 years old (he was born 3/12/1912, Paul was born 2/27/1924), the oldest of six children at home, to help his father maintain the household, for the widower, at least until he remarried. Later he would tell me about how he found this quite difficult and how the other siblings resented the role he had to play of surrogate parent.
What we may know about Paul’s early years we may have to discern from the history of the Northern Wisconsin Colony and Training School. A search of federal Census records from 1930 and 1940 confirm that Paul McBride was recorded as an “inmate” in the “No. Wis. Colony & Training School State Institution Mentally Deficient & Epileptic” (see photo from 1940 Census).
A history book about this Center exists, and some journal articles. Piecing all this together we may be able to put together the story of what Paul’s life was like, in part, or those like him in the early 1920s, until he was able to rejoin his family and gain some independence in the 1950s. See attached sidebars that describe the Northern Wisconsin School and some of the practices that were done there.
From what this author has put together reading the research, it is more likely that Paul McBride was released from the Northern Center because of the scandals that had hit the home, and because it became necessary to release the residents who had skills and could function in the community. That is likely why Ray McBride got that call about his brother in the early 1950s.
When Ray McBride told his wife about his youngest brother (see Part I), Toni McBride sprung into action. Toni had always been a fierce advocate for the poor, for the underprivileged since she was raised in extreme poverty in rural Idaho in a silver mining town during the Great Depression. She put herself through college, the first to do that in her family tree, often not knowing where her next meal would come from and borrowing a dime from friends. When she graduated from Journalism school, she became a reporter at the Milwaukee Sentinel and would later become an awarding reporter, and would many times fight for civil right social justice issues.
Though her husband’s instant thought likely was to help his youngest brother, Toni surely wanted to do more. And soon Ray and Toni found out that they would face some strong resistance from Ray’s siblings. They had a hard time processing that they had another brother they did not know about. And since Ray was the oldest child he had essentially helped raise them, after their mother had died, becoming a surrogate mother in the 1920s during the Great Depression for a widower with six children, that also was a dynamic of the discussion.
Toni and Ray’s siblings were shocked to hear for the first time that they had another sibling. But Ray was more forgiving. Ray’s father was still alive – he would not die until 1966 – but there are no reports we have of any comments he made about his youngest son, or whether he ever met him.
Toni McBride advocated for Paul’s placement and a work assignment and that he be fully integrated into the family. She encountered resistance. Paul’s cleft palate was still pronounced, and his head looked disfigured. Some of Ray’s siblings did not like to be around a person who looked like this. This only infuriated Toni, who raged at this. Nevertheless, Ray’s siblings paid for surgery to repair the cleft palate and help Paul’s appearance.
Paul would be placed in his work placement and our family would see him most often. We embraced him at family gatherings and found him a warm, estremely pleasant and gentle Uncle to have around.
Truth be told, he was entering a dysfunctional family environment, since both Toni and Ray were alcoholics who got drunk every night and would usually rage at each other, not usually physically, but with horrific verbal abuse. Toni also suffered from depression and bipolar disorder, and epilepsy. At times, Toni would hit Ray, but Ray never hit Toni. Often the police would be called to break up their family disputes, which was a horrible embarrassment for the family, which eventually grew to seven children. The alcoholism took an incredible toll on Ray and Toni, especially Toni McBride, and they both died of alcoholism and related disorders prematurely, Toni at age 63 and Ray at age 77.
Family get togethers were, to say the least, unpleasant, difficult, stressful and volatile. So when Paul was invited as a family guest he was very much welcome by his nieces and nephews. In fact, the oldest son Joe reports that Paul had a calming influence on the family get togethers when he would appear, often as a regular on Sundays to watch Packers games with the family. Perhaps his brother and sister-in-law behaved better in his presence, or Paul’s own quiet, calm demeanor was enough. He had unconditional love for everyone and was non-judgmental. He loved simple pleasures and embraced spending time with younger people, no matter what they wanted to do. He was soft spoken and pleasant. Compared to his brother, and his very volatile sister-in-law, his calm demeanor was a welcome antidote to a rambunctious, opinionated Irish family.
Later I realized that Ray’s other siblings did not welcome Paul into their home as often as we did. I think that was their loss. I am not sure if my parents knew what a calming influence Paul was to our house, but we certainly recognized it.
Part III desscribes Paul’s later life.
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The author is Timothy McBride, nephew of Paul McBride, and the Bernard Becker Professor, School of Public Health, Washington University in St. Louis.